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What Would It Take To Satisfy You?


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#21 matsellah

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 02:50 AM

6
"Their present king is the most renowned warrior among the western nations. He is an outlander, an adventurer who seized the crown by force during a time of civil strife, strangling King Namedides with his own hands, upon the very throne. His name is Conan, and no man can stand before him in battle." ~ Orastes, 'The Hour Of The Dragon'

"Damned degenerates!" ~ Conan 'Xuthal Of The Dusk'

#22 grim cimmerian

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 04:22 AM

Because you included the word "satisfied" the answer can only be 6. In a perfect world we get to see Howard's Conan come to life on the big screen, the T.V. screen, the straight to video screens, the animated film whatever.

However I liked the Arnold movie for what it was and If the ratings were pleased, less pleased and so forth instead of satisfied, I would settle for a pastiche set in Hyboria with no contradictions to Howard's Conan cannon that was well written and directed.
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#23 grim cimmerian

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 04:23 AM

I don't particularly agree with your classification system. From my eperience among "Conan fans", I think they fall mainly into two camps, Arnold fans who are not particularly knowledgeable about either the stories or comics and who summarily reject even notion of a Conan film without Arnold, and REH fans who would prefer to see an actual REH adaptation first and foremost. I don't hear a great clamour to see 90s Conan pastiches adapted into film. Maybe you've visited some forums I'm not familiar with. Among the REH fans, the biggest division would be seem to be how faithful a film adaptation of a REH should be while still appealing to the modern filmgoers' sensibilities, and that's been the biggest source of debate on this forum. But I think the vast majority of movie goers fall into neither camp, and will just go to the movie because they're somewhat familiar with the character and they think it looks good. Or not.

Well spoken
"WOE UNTO MY FOEMEN, PITY THEIR WIDOWS AND KIN."
All flatlanders are soft and frail, I enjoy those qualities in their women.
"By CROM if you so much as touch your hilt I'll split you from crown to crotch and see if your guts are as yellow as I think they are!"

#24 Roargathor

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 04:33 AM

6

#25 Ironhand

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 05:27 AM

All I want is a film I can send my friends to, and hear them say afterward, "Yeah, Steve, you were right, Conan is a neat character. What else did Robert E. Howard write?"
"Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man...!" - Conan, in "Shadows in Zamboula", by Robert E. Howard
"... you speak of Venarium familiarly. Perhaps you were there?"
"I was," grunted [Conan]. "I was one of the horde that swarmed over the hills. I hadn't yet seen fifteen snows, but already my name was repeated about the council fires." - "Beyond the Black River", by Robert E. Howard

Read my Conan screenplays at The Scrolls of Ironhand (in particular my transcription of THE FROST GIANT'S DAUGHTER in Act II of "The Snow Devil") at
http://www.scrollsof...d.us/index.html or at
http://www.delicious...ic=ConanProject

#26 Mikey_C

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Posted 14 September 2011 - 10:20 PM

2) Give me an adaptation of a pastiche by Carter, DeCamp, Green, or Perry. The movie will at least share the name Conan from a piece of ‘literature’. Give me Conan the Guardian!

3) Adapt one of the better pastiches that may run against the Canonical Timeline but at least it is set in the ‘real’ Hyboria with a proper characterization of Conan. Give me John Maddox Roberts’ Conan the Bold!


Carter / DeCamp / Green / Perry = "literature", John Maddox Roberts not? I'll have to differ there!

I'm tempted to say (6) anyway, but really I'd be satisfied with less. Just something that presents the essence of Conan and his world, exorcises the ghost of Arnie and just isn't plain embarrassing.

Something, in fact, that would prompt someone who dismisses Conan as YA fiction or "teen masturbatory whatever" based on rubbish they've picked up from The Guardian or somewhere to stop in their tracks and realise what all the fuss is about, so they go back and buy the Penguin classic and then move on to the rest of REH's books.

The problem of adapting an REH tale direct is the short story format. A TV series would be better, but it would have to be phenomenally high-budget to cover all the different scenery.

The ideal for me would be something like one of the old Amicus portfolio horror films that could showcase several stories from different stages in Conan's "career" in the one movie. Can't see that ever happening, though. Hollywood's fixated on the "epic".
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#27 Kev

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 03:51 AM


3) Adapt one of the better pastiches that may run against the Canonical Timeline but at least it is set in the ‘real’ Hyboria with a proper characterization of Conan. Give me John Maddox Roberts’ Conan the Bold!

Mikey C Said: Carter / DeCamp / Green / Perry = "literature", John Maddox Roberts not? I'll have to differ there!



When I put the quotes around the word literature it was meant to convey sarcasm. JMR is one of the few pastiche writers I actually like.

Kev (who's still working on his internet sarcasm)
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#28 icarus

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 03:38 PM

All I want is a film I can send my friends to, and hear them say afterward, "Yeah, Steve, you were right, Conan is a neat character. What else did Robert E. Howard write?"


Exactly how I feel! And 6 btw.

Edited by icarus, 21 September 2011 - 03:39 PM.


#29 Mikey_C

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Posted 21 September 2011 - 08:39 PM

When I put the quotes around the word literature it was meant to convey sarcasm. JMR is one of the few pastiche writers I actually like.

Kev (who's still working on his internet sarcasm)


I'm relieved! The emoticons help. ;)
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#30 Rockamobile

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 02:53 AM

If they won't do a faithful Adaptation Or REH. Then my choice would be an adaptation of Karl Edward Wagner's Conan Road Of Kings. Out of curiosity didn't Karl Edward Wagner write a screen play for a Conan film?

#31 Imaro

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:42 AM

I would prefer a faithful adaptation. BUT, with that said, I do not think any film would come close to the images that REH's writing paints in my mind. The Hyborian Age is a a dark mysterious post-cataclysmic world of war, ancient and dying gods, decadence, demonic sorcery and high adventure. Howard's Conan is a brutal, dark and violent character. He is not a "hero" in the good vs evil sense. He follows a barbaric code of honor that, I believe, most "mainstream" movie goers would find uncomfortable and disturbing. To make Howard's Conan palatable to the general movie-goer, the character and stories get white-washed. Hence you get the Arnold and Jason films. I think Hollywood views Conan as superhero genre film. To me, Conan falls more into the horror/dark fantasy genre.

#32 Rockamobile

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 03:42 AM

I would prefer a faithful adaptation. BUT, with that said, I do not think any film would come close to the images that REH's writing paints in my mind. The Hyborian Age is a a dark mysterious post-cataclysmic world of war, ancient and dying gods, decadence, demonic sorcery and high adventure. Howard's Conan is a brutal, dark and violent character. He is not a "hero" in the good vs evil sense. He follows a barbaric code of honor that, I believe, most "mainstream" movie goers would find uncomfortable and disturbing. To make Howard's Conan palatable to the general movie-goer, the character and stories get white-washed. Hence you get the Arnold and Jason films. I think Hollywood views Conan as superhero genre film. To me, Conan falls more into the horror/dark fantasy genre.


Then have Del Toro do Conan film?

#33 cromsguts

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 03:26 PM

While I liked some aspects of the 1982 and 2011 films, neither hit the mark. I hope/ pray/ wish for a REH adaptation. So #6 for me.

At this time I think REH would best be served by someone adapting "Worms of the Earth"or some other great non-Conan tale into a film. Enter a new REH character. Give Conan a rest. Hollywood is very short sighted.

Bassett's attempt at SK was pretty decent , why he didn't start with a Howard tale is beyond me. Same is true for Conan 2011. Origin storys can be introduced / inserted as the movie progresses. Point in fact "The Man with No-Name". Never explained why he was there, what his reasons where. He just was. Seemed to work.

The key to a good movie is a good story. Period. Had Conan 2011 been a good story it would have been a better film. Sadly it had a bad story, a terrible director, and an unseasoned actor.
"There's nothing in the universe cold steel won't cut," answered
Conan. "I threw my ax at the demon, and he took no hurt, but I might
have missed in the dusk, or a branch deflected its flight. I'm not
going out of my way looking for devils; but I wouldn't step out of my
path to let one go by."

#34 Ironhand

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Posted 01 February 2012 - 07:46 AM

Bassett's attempt at SK was pretty decent , why he didn't start with a Howard tale is beyond me.

The producer, the money guy, insisted. No origin story, no money, no movie. :angry:

Edited by Ironhand, 01 February 2012 - 07:46 AM.

"Did you deem yourself strong, because you were able to twist the heads off civilized folk, poor weaklings with muscles like rotten string? Hell! Break the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before you call yourself strong. I did that, before I was a full-grown man...!" - Conan, in "Shadows in Zamboula", by Robert E. Howard
"... you speak of Venarium familiarly. Perhaps you were there?"
"I was," grunted [Conan]. "I was one of the horde that swarmed over the hills. I hadn't yet seen fifteen snows, but already my name was repeated about the council fires." - "Beyond the Black River", by Robert E. Howard

Read my Conan screenplays at The Scrolls of Ironhand (in particular my transcription of THE FROST GIANT'S DAUGHTER in Act II of "The Snow Devil") at
http://www.scrollsof...d.us/index.html or at
http://www.delicious...ic=ConanProject

#35 Lunatic

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Posted 06 March 2012 - 08:07 PM

6, I guess...but obviously you cannot base a movie exactly on a 70 year old novel and even less on short stories.

I really like so far what Darkhorse comics has done to Conan, combining pastiche with the REH stories.
On the downside Darkhorse has made Conan somewhat too celtic, although this may be more correct in line with the authors writings. When I first encountered Conanstories based on REH:s writings it was also in comic form. I found them interesting but confusing. Kind of insane sometimes.

It was the character of Conan and Belit and the others that was interesting to me...So the CtB82 movie made a lot more sence to me. It was a simple tale in a consistent world. Not so much with the marvel comic pastiches. Here he is a not always so noble savage in a savage world. Kind of too heroic doing his evil thing.

I liked the short stories better as I read them in later years. I would really enjoy seeing a consistent coherent hyborian movie with sword and sorcery heroes running around...and I would like it if they ba -barred it up more, still while basing eventual future movies and productions on the original stories. I say yes to boobies and bloodshed. Battle and crush those wicked civilizations! Because this is cool to me, and refreshing after years of agonizing hobbits and elves and teenwizards.