From an REH fan perspective, I think the most important thing is how the film portrays Conan. The good news for me was that I thought Leo Howard was unequivocally great as young Conan - a force of nature and the overly cut 3 minute taster scene pre-released is played out much better on screen and allowed to breathe....
I've watched this clip a few times now.
I think, it's the kind of thing when you see once, you think wow...pretty cool. It reminds me of Tony Jaa's opener for Ong Bak, where they're climbing the tree...
but on rewatch, well....a couple...I frankly find it to be a bit much to even say it's mildly credible and is the kind of stuff that really starts to irritate me once you start thinking about it. first we have the already often mentioned criticisms of the cimmerians and such. so we kick off with a smudgy Corin and the rah rah speech. okay fine, moving on...
at 1:12, we see a young cimmerian literally run right into a fallen log.
the youths run on and see a gang of picts- they don't know how many there actually are, one wouldn't think that only four Picts would venture into Cimmeria, but even so I think within the context of Conan the Cimmerians would naturally assume this is a raiding party. one of them says, we go back- one must assume to alert the village. well all that certainly follows...but conan runs on...? to complete the run? to...attack? this makes no sense. the scene sort of shifts a bit and it seems as though he's running away from the Picts and then he's taken down by a bolas, and we hear the Picts vocalize like I dunno, some kind of animal. This weapon of entanglement doesn't seem to entangle much because before the Picts can get to him he's free of it. Fine, fine, let's just grant all that.
I don't know how old he's supposed to be here, but FOUR Picts? In Beyond the Black River, Balthus took out SEVEN. With help from what I always imagined to be a huge Great Dane kind of dog. Even granting their very unPictlike way of attacking Leo Howard one at a time...I just don't buy the fight at 1:45...much less than a little kid is going to knock out a grown man like that. Sorry. I know it's "Conan," and all that, but please. And that kick. Seriously? Does he have horseshoes in his Uggs? Why does he drop the Pict's weapon? He gets whacked in the back by the only Pict who only brought his spikeless club to Cimmeria? So much for their copper skills. LOL. Okay. It gets even more ricockulous after this. At 2 min we see young Conan flailing about like a girl to no avail and he is able to slam a Pict's head into the ground, then he picks up the guy and runs
the Pict into a log, braining him.
We can't be serious.
With all four down, i guess young Conan makes a real job of somehow hacking off their heads, and he returns to his village where we see the other young Cimmerians who all saw the Picts and as far as we know ran back to the village to sound the alarm, but they're all hanging around, they may as well be talking about the weather, in a calm cluster, Corin parts a small crowd....and nobody seems to be doing anything whatsoever about the fact that at least four Pict raiders were spotted in their woods. Except Corin has thrown off his fur.
It boggles the mind.
Monk - The truth is that how Khalar is apparently able to move unimpeded across, eg, Nemedia, Aquilonia, and the whole of southern Cimmeria, just isn't addressed at all. Young Conan is off whacking trees in the forest when he hears the army approach and then it just turns up. I suppose the Cimmerians are overwhelmed by sheer numbers - the scene is actually one of the better directed, I found it exciting though ruined for me by the cheesy 3D FX which is easily avoided by finding a 2D screening. Conan's father - SPOILER - is hit by an arrow then it seemed to me that the scene quickly just cut inside to the forge, where the scene plays out with Zym, all his henchmen and Conan's father, despite the fact that the battle still seems to be raging outside and you never really see how it finishes. Why Zym didn't first finish the battle is beyond me, but I still thought it was a pretty good scene inside the forge.
Okay, well...I guess that's one way around it lol. Why do the Cimmerians have this artifact anyway? Xaltotun explains that in the past he fought with Cimmerians, and they remained and were unconquerable, so one can assume Acheron tried to subdue them....is this something they somehow left behind during that attempt? How does Khalar know about its powers and why seek it out as opposed to the Heart, which seems to me the easier target...not to mention the time span...what was it...3,000 years since Python fell...so for 3,000 years Cimmerians hid this mask?
Edited by monk, 15 August 2011 - 02:53 AM.